What Does Self-Responsibility
and Codependency
Have In Common With RACA?
by
Robert Farmilo
(with help from Swami Bob)
(NOTE: This article is in two parts, and both parts are mighty juicy.
PLUS, make sure you get the free book offer at the end of this article.)
There is a new sheriff in town.
See, what happened is the term "codependency" has fallen into disrepute.
It is too vivid a term.
Codependency and being codependent has become a misnomer.
The term is said to inflict further diminishing returns with those who get the label stuck to their foreheads.
"You suffer from being codependent."
Ugh.
"You are codependent."
Yikes!
"You are in a codependent relationship, you know."
Double Yikes!
In my own personal search for becoming self-responsible, I have discovered that I sometimes become passive-aggressive.
I also can become insensitive, closed-mouthed, distant, and my inside mental space can get messed-up.
I can let important relationships drift away by NOT paying attention to the people inside that word "relationships."
Why Would I Do This?
Because I am not a responsible person.
And I am codependent.
PLUS...I am a narcissist.
Really? All of that?
YES. See, I love the label gun. And it works best when I am pulling the trigger on myself.
Is it easy to out myself like this?
Hmmmm. Not really.
It may even be dangerous.
Revealing inner shit to the online world can later come back to haunt you.
Especially when you are in a niche that projects enlightenment and self-sufficiency.
That niche where you have to be the shining light of example---I AM enlightened and vibrating from the higher grooviness frequencies.
YES!
I have conquered ALL the self-limiting delusions...I am the Brahma-Loca interface with all of humanity.
I am a fully realized AVATAR---the Perfected Being, incarnate flesh of the divine.
And so on.
Truth-it-up? That 'ain't me, Babe.
I think I am sometimes proud of my defects of character.
Sometimes?
Maybe what I want to do is just say it like it is for me, and stop pussy-footing around the edges.
I know there is lots about me that is super-fine-fantastic, and that's great. But there are specific behaviours that I want to change.
Here is a list of Defects of Character:
That's quite a list, isn't it?
And you might not agree with each of the items on the list.
For example: Loneliness, confusion, anxiety.
Oh, and before I go ANY further, I want to make it clear that I am "in" God Consciousness.
What?
I know, it just doesn't make ANY sense for me to say that.
And maybe my definition of God Consciousness is NOT the classic one.
Anyway, what matters in all this is how my own fluctuating state of awareness of being conscious of God...how this influences my behaviour.
I have noticed that there is an internal dialogue that I have. And when the negative thought-feeling crap is starting to become dominant---I have this cut-away that breaks the fascination factor with my absorption into the negative thought-feeling express.
What?
I know...way too wordy.
So here it is, real simple:
When I get bleeped-up, God comes into my mind and gives me a reboot.
Recently this reboot has been focused on me-me-me becoming more responsible for...myself.
This includes what comes out of my mouth.
I mean the words that I say, and the intent behind my words, too.
And this brings me to Part Two of this article.
PART TWO:
And Now For Something Completely Different: RACA!
Which brings me to a very difficult subject...
...The teachings of Jesus Christ as expounded in The Holy Bible.
Wait!
Before you run away, screaming...read this next part:
This is a warning sign for me.
I can go there...to that place that is mean-spirited and WANTS to hurt that person who has somehow hurt me...hurt my feelings.
One of the best ways I can go about attacking another person is to put contempt into them. And I can best do this by reducing that person to being utterly without worth.
I can do this by levelling my powerful guns of sharp-tongued, ill-advised intellect. In this way I can express terms of utter vilification of my intended victim.
This way I can turn the person who has hurt my feelings from an attacker into victim. I can turn the tables on them, and really go for the jugular.
And as I describe this to you, I can feel that spirit of triumph and hatred flexing it's muscles, and cooing gently in my mind, "Yes! You are so great at hurting people. You can do it. Go on. Show them that they need to FEAR you...so that they will never dare to hurt your feelings, ever. Go on! Reduce them to sobbing hulks of shamed and guilted losers!"
(And so on.)
Wait a minute...let's double back on this one.
With the teaching from Jesus Christ comes an added bonus round.
This part of the teaching may almost slip past you...unless it is clearly pointed at.
Here it is, I am pointing at it, right now:
It really is important NOT to level the RACA guns against yourself.
NOT shooting yourself with your own raca-gun...that is part of becoming personally responsible.
It isn't just about what you do to other people, creatures, beings, places and things...it is ALSO very much about what you do inside yourself.
The sorts of thoughts and feelings that you entertain as guests within your own self-awareness.
And I don't mean that you are not to think or feel something you have done or are about to do is bad or wrong or insensitive or only going to make things worse...when it clearly is going to end badly.
But I do mean that you can chuck out the self-directed RACA thoughts and feelings. You can catch yourself going into the self-hating, self-despising trip, and deliberately notice what you're doing.
And change the channel.
HOW to CHANGE the CHANNEL?
First of all, what is it we are changing from?
In the finest drops of distilling the meaning of RACA, I have figured out that it really is based in CONTEMPT.
That's what makes RACA so intoxicating
and easy to indulge in:
and easy to indulge in:
Contempt
Contempt: It allows me to slip into a state of being that brings on enough dislike to enter into hatred. And hatred is an easy bridge to take over into the Land of Murder.
When I become contemptuous of another person, I can easily let that person walk straight into any number of horrible fates. And then I can feel just fine about it, too.
After all, I NEVER liked that person, did I?
And they deserved everything they got, didn't they?
Ha!
That'll teach' em, won't it?
In fact, if I go far enough into my contempt, I can feel my hands knot into bone breaking fists of hatred. And any sort of punishment of the offender becomes okay...doesn't it?
Have you EVER felt rage?
How about utter contempt?
Part of becoming self-responsible is making the leap over the chasm of this concept: "You make me feel the way that I feel."
And this quickly morphs into, "You are responsible for the way I feel about myself."
OBVIOUSLY when someone is mean to you, yes...it is going to hurt your feelings. If someone insults you and mocks you...yes, it's going to hurt your feelings.
Isn't it?
And then you are going to feel hurt.
And part of that may well mean that you are going to be mean to them.
Tit-for-tat.
Eye-for-an-eye.
And often you will remember the slights and insults and digs and put-downs...and nurse a grudge.
But the invitation of God Consciousness is to deconstruct this process, and purge the source of your hurt feelings.
It includes a process where the fight can no longer find you.
This means that the person who is aiming contempt at you cannot find an entry point. IF they do say or do something to hurt you, it doesn't work.
So...what is contempt?
Contempt is an intoxicant that can alter your awareness.
And it is addictive, too.
The more you indulge in being contemptuous, the easier it is to increase the range of your contempt.
And when this is levelled at yourself, the process of holding yourself in contempt can become a hard-to-break habit.
Ah...but what about when your own actions are contemptible?
When you hold yourself in...contempt?
Like when the judge holds you in contempt of court.
Now this is a little off-track, but here it is: Did you know the worst crime you can commit is, "Contempt of Cop?"
At least as far as the police officer is concerned.
The down-side of contempt is that it is the gateway drug that leads you to...murder.
That feeling liberated long enough to give rise to permission inside yourself to murder another person.
Some long simmering feeling that explodes in momentary rage...and enough of it to end with you being stuck with a dead body because you've just topped someone.
OR you are noticing yourself seriously plotting how you can bump somebody off. Yes, you. Thinking about how to do...it. And get away with it, too.
Here is a quick set of questions:
- Have you ever felt anger towards another person?
- Have you ever wanted to hurt another person?
- Have you EVER felt somebody deserved to suffer?
- Have YOU ever thought and or felt that you would like to teach somebody a lesson that they'll NEVER forget?
Now you may be wondering what ANY of this has to do with being self-responsible, codependent, and the concept of raca...and contempt.
Me too.
But it is in there...somewhere.
My own opinion is that by reading this article and pondering some of the ding-ding-dong responses that your brain has fired at you...YOU are going to get some deeper feeling for the connections.
And this might be enough information for a deeper party to break out inside yourself.
That momentary diversion from the usual...and right into the place where you jump up, and take action on the inspiration you've just received.
And this might be about taking the first step towards really joining with yourself and becoming self-responsible.
What is it that you can do...that is realistic? And NOT bound up in magical thinking (Easter Bunny, Santa Claus), superstition, deflecting, blaming and so on.
What are the top ten tips on how to become self-responsible?
Well, I don't know ten tips.
Oh sure, I can dig up some from the internet.
But I do KNOW one, and it is the FIRST one, and it is the MOST important one, too.
What is it?
Become Self Aware.
Yes, that's it...that's all.
Become aware of your SELF.
All of your...SELF.
The good...the bad...the ugly.
And let's keep it primarily focused on what you do.
The actions that you perform.
From speech to keeping your word by way of your actions.
All of that awkward bit that has to do with what you actually do...especially when no one is watching you.
Yes, that's the sort of self-awareness I am writing to you about.
Oh, by the way, this isn't easy to do.
Your ego will most certainly defeat your first few attempts to look truthfully at your actions.
You might not like what you see.
Especially when you rid yourself of excuses based on what other people did or didn't do to you-you-you.
Embracing Self by Bernard Poolman
What starts to happen when you take on this part of your own self growth? Well, you can begin to step out of the codependent relationships that bind you to staying stuck inside enmeshment.
Enmeshment is a bad state of affairs.
It is when you cannot understand why you feel crazy most of the time. Why you don't really know what you really think and feel about...well...almost anything.
Unenmeshing yourself is getting enough moxy up to see what is and what isn't important to you...and to give yourself to what is most important to you.
But to do this...you first of all have to discover what it is that really is most important to you. And then you can start to decide to decide. You can start to choose to...choose.
It takes a lot of courage to say, "No, I am not going to do that...I am going to do this."
Oh, really?
Yes, it does...when you are saying NO to that person you've become so dependent upon to make any choices or decisions. This is very difficult...to say NO to what they want you to do...what they are used to you doing WITHOUT protest or contradiction.
Here is a simple example of the toughest four steps you will ever take in your personal journey to becoming self-responsible:
Personally, I found the work of Stephen Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) to be action based, and laced with wisdom.
This is the kind of primer that will give you a good start on staying true to your word --- AND making sure that your word is given with a healthy dose of what you know to be right...the right thing to do.
Don't you want to be doing---performing actions---that really are important to you?
NOT because of guilt and shame...but because of choosing to do what resonates with your heart, soul...your very guts.
Being self-responsible means learning how to say NO to what isn't really right for you. And this can take true courage. Especially when the pressure is on for you to give in.
What I have to say about codependency is that I give my special someone power over me. I give them...I project onto them...the role of Survival Figure.
And that transference is enough to enmesh me very deeply into every twitch, flutter, sigh, tear and sniff...that they direct my way to manipulate me into doing what THEY want me to do.
I FEEL obligated to them.
And that is ONE of the reasons why I am so attracted to the pursuit of personal responsibility. It is a way to confront my own inability to make difficult, personal choices...that I sincerely know I must make...that conflict with the wishes and preferences of the most powerful person in my universe...my survival figure.
This article is almost over.
I know that I feel naked and vulnerable.
Exposing myself, and getting very intimate with the online universe...is risky.
My idea is to just write it out, and see where it takes me.
I know that reading my articles...later on...often leaves me wondering who wrote that article?
Was it really me?
And that's a strange feeling.
So...I don't know if my opinions as expressed in this article will hold for a lifetime. Maybe...maybe not.
But I do know that one of you is going to get sparked by some part or other that I've touched on.
And it is going to help stimulate that all-important force of personal growth.
The next article in this series is going head-to-head with the fruits of contempt.
You are going to get the full treatment.
And that revolves around this question:
When is it okay to be angry?
Enough!
All the Best,
Robert Farmilo,
and
Swami Bob
PS-Make sure you get your copy of the forbidden book. You will learn directly from God how to have two-way, telepathic communication with God.
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