BY ROBERT FARMILO
and
LITTLE MISS PERFECT
LITTLE MISS PERFECT
At the top of Mount Love, you are gonna find many bones.
These are wasted remains of the faithful, the true, and the heartbroken.
Once upon a time, many people have thought they were in love...romantic style love.
They climbed up Mount Love, most likely feeling
the invincibility of being in love.
ONE thing you can be sure of, at one time or another,
MOST able bodied of either SEX
have thought they'd FALLEN in LOVE.
This goes along with that very witty comedienne's joke,
"Before I met my husband...I'd never fallen in love before....I've stepped in it a few times."
I know, I know.
It's all in the way she delivers the lines.
The tone of her voice. The nice, sophisticated lady, a bit naughty
ARCH nuance on the "...stepped in it (love)...a few times."
Click Here ===> THE very witty comedienne ON YouTube <===
What follows came from a comment box submission.
It is a bit long.
SEE what you think and feel about this.
COMMENT in the box at the end of the article.
RECENTLY RECEIVED from "Anonymous Survivor"
..."I am under attack by my Survival Figure.
Verbal abuse.
With the use of that ill-wishing F@*K YOU.
All that and more pointed,
just being nasty and mean and ugly."
Anonymous Survivor went on:
"...This is the action of an adult person.
And a person who has a history of being this way.
EVEN worse. Physical abuse, too.
And when I confront my Survival Figure with the facts:
- She is often mean tempered
- Picks fights
- Insults me
- Shaming used frequently
- Guilting used frequently
- Uses archetypes of Wife and Husband
- Right/Wrong hierarchy
...this person blames me for her behaviour. It is MY fault that she is so angry, wrathful, hurtful, blaming, shaming...and so on."
IF that wasn't enough information, Anonymous Survivor wrote:
Sense of entitlement to speak in a nasty, horrible, critical, often very sharp tone of voice.
IF you attempt to get a word in edgewise,
IT will be for naught.
YOU will ONLY fuel the demon's insatiable hunger for conflict.
AND this is the ultimate gift to the demon's table.
ANGER. Yes, the more...the better.
For dessert...a delicious serving of...?"
IS THERE MORE?
Yes, Anonymous Survivor continued with:
"What will you serve the demon?
So, in light of this FACT...I choose NOT to feed the demon inside MY Survival Figure. As much as possible.
I want to float on the invisible force field of LOVE
that surrounds me, as my presence is witness to
this hurting human being's LONG STANDING SUFFERING.
This real, alive, human being seems to be, most of the time, angry, hurting, mean-spirited, easily offended,
and with quite the ability to give that famous silent treatment."
CAN YOU SPOT THE DICTATOR?
Let your heart speak to you all want. But you just have to use your head...as a form of self preservation.
Be careful when in the presence of the Emotional Dictator.
Let them do all the talking. NEVER challenge or inject conflict---REMEMBER that when AROUSED this type of bully will blame the victim. It is classic victimization, and the Emotional Dictator uses brow-beating with wild abandon. But NOT in a romantic way.
IN your life you will come across many people who will try to get you what they want to do by telling you they are right because of the way they say something ought to be.
YOU ARE DEALING
WITH A FORM OF MENTAL ILLNESS.
It is a predisposition to routinely use negative emotion because they literally cannot help themselves.
IT is what they know how to do in their very lonely and scary world.
YOUR role is to understand and love them.
That's why you find yourself NOT reacting to the baiting, and haranguing.
Like roles that people have when they come with a title. So the working definition depends entirely upon the whim of the Survival Figure Bully Dictator. THUS what happens is all rulings on what is and is NOT okay are issued by The Survival Figure (SF).
There can be active attempts by the SF to browbeat and use bad tempered menacing...
Basically you know that if you dare feed the demon, you are going to figure out that it just isn't worth it.
That's where the TWO LAWS come in.
Good luck obeying those two laws.
I mean, there are only two laws, right?
JUST two of 'em.
These basic behavioural laws give you merit. It disarms the wicked way of The Dictator. Though they (The Dictators) will NEVER change, most likely.
Part of it is the addiction that they have to the way the anger and wrathful nature feed the need to put YOU on the defensive. They need to make you feel bad about yourself.
They FEEL and think that it is their RIGHT, even their DUTY to point out your failings, shortcomings and defects of character.
AND when you do confront them about what's really going on, that you are on to them----The Dictator Bully/Emotional Abuser will go about trying to make you feel like the bad guy for confronting them.
When you attempt to confront them while they are in the midst of an
attack upon your character...they will most of the time
say that you are deflecting the conversation, and avoiding
and willfully NOT being okay----by daring to speak.
IF you dare to point out inconsistencies in FACTS, and the presence of a glaring
DOUBLE STANDARD, well...
...YOU are quickly going to be told that you are doing what
you always do when confronted by The Dictator's Special Court of
Prosecution:
- You are being defensive
- You are evading-being evasive
- You are deflecting
- You are being deceptive
- You are trying to avoid
- You are attempting to distract from the pertinent points
Click this link to really get inside how you are being manipulated:
OH...you can try to interject and clarify---MAYBE even tell the ranting monster to stop banging away at you. You might state that you want them to stop insulting you.
Good luck with that.
YOU can NEVER win.
And they won't like being interrupted.
The tone of voice and volume and cadence and sharpness and language used...will proceed into the land of Nasty-Vindictive.
The program that kicks in?
If you say one word, it will generate at least ten words coming at you from The Dictator, a.k.a. the Survival Figure (SF).
What has happened?
The primitive survival portions of the SF's brain are dominating the entire cerebrum. The frontal-lobes are not being given enough time to counter the diatribe issuing forth from the disaster script inside the SF's default coping mechanism.
That's a fancy way of saying that The Dictator (SF) gets upset,
and that becomes a warrant they can use to excuse almost ANY
horrible behaviour.
They just can't help themselves, you see.
VIDEO---Warning, NOT for the FAINT of HEART!
Along with the heart-break of realizing that you are living with an emotionally abusive bully...can come the worse...THE far, far worse---when YOU start to become mean in return. The DEMON is quite happy to be in two people at the same time.
Once you start to take the negative discharge seriously,
YOU become sucked into that particular vortex.
This drowning pool has no real winners, ever.
It only feeds the negative energy, and gives permission for far worse to come.
That's what the TWO LAWS are designed to avoid---FAR worse to come.
That is the POWER of outcome from obeying these two very demanding laws of behaviour.
When you do NOT obey these two laws, you will usually be a contentious sort.
Perhaps you just can't help yourself?
To para-quote the legendary comedian, Flip Wilson, "...The Devil made you do it?"
Yeah, that's it. You don't know what comes over you...is that it?
YOU get triggered, and that's all it takes for you to get testy and short tempered.
What can be said about the use of force to get what you want. Most of the time it is a particular kind of behaviour. AND often it is because The Dictator actually enjoys using ANGER to make The Victim do what they want.
Video: TEN of the MOST EVIL...
What a feast for these Anger Addicts. The controlled fury of being able to blame The Victim for the need to inflict punishment. This madness extends into the Corporate world.
Many managers and supervisors battle with the affliction of being
horrible and nasty and back-stabbing and power-tripping, and
ready to throw you under the bus to advance---step on your face
IF they had to...to climb that ladder of success.
TREAT you like shit...that's the expression, isn't it?
Video REVEALS Stark Findings:Abusive Women CAUSE MORE HARM
SO...the temptation is to strike back with equal fervor, even outdoing the bad, bad and very evil Dictator Bully.
This is contrary to the wisdom of the Two Laws.
AND yes, the doing part of Loving God, and Loving Your Fellow Human, as you love your self...that is the toughest to get consistent.
The pull is tempting to give in and eviscerate The Enemy.
Usually this entity is the person who is hurting your feelings, over-and-over.
The psyche carnage caused by The Dictator Bully builds a gravity
pool of blow-back.
YOU cannot keep wounding your True Love, and expect a sweet
return---IT defies natural law. There will come bitterness and regret.
What is needed is to leave the people who do not provide you with the sweet delight of acceptance and diligent care of who you are.
YES, be careful about your leave taking.
Make it safe for all concerned.
YOUR reasons for leaving are founded in your natural tendency for personal FREEDOM----to be yourself, without being made to feel and think that you are NOT okay.
And you may not be okay...you may have some serious personality disorders.
But that doesn't make the Abuser right and justified...in being abusive.
THE worst of it is found in The Dictator Bully pushing their weight around
in the not-very nice tone of voice.
You know the style?
IMPERIOUS, without recourse to make ANY lasting change in behaviour.
The in-the-moment bitch-slapping...when ever The Dictator Bully is
triggered, all part of the ongoing drama, the day-to-day life in their Empire.
That is one play from their play book.
What actually disrupts the raising the stakes, and escalating the conflict...is a serious working of the TWO LAWS. This brings immediate relief, and helps strengthen YOUR force-field that provides psyche protection.
The more you exercise this commandment, the greater YOUR skill grows---to be satisfied witnessing the negative discharge, and giving it space to destroy itself.
When you don't rise to the bait...well, it takes two to tango. IF you don't join in, and leave a silent non-answer---you can stay in control of your side of the exchange. So you are very careful with your words.
UNLESS you decide to take your filter off.
But you have learned the hard-way how The Dictator/Bully/Emotional Abuser swells up with righteous indignation, and this ONLY ADDS to the extent of the negative discharge.
Though sometimes it is interesting to see how far you can purposively EXPLODE the abuser. It is a way to turn the tables, and let the power of their own seduction with being informed by righteous, holier than thouisms...take over.
Therefore, you can make the abuser unable to not react to your prompts. IT is just that at no time do you bitch-slap or counter attack.
NO way.
And there are reasons why you stick around. One is FEAR.
Dealing with the fear of loss, you are not ready to leave your Survival Figure.
NOT yet.
And you have a sense of obligation, too.
It is the great unknown to leave.
You feel trapped. Like you don't have the right to leave.
That it is wrong.
And there is that paralyzed state. YOU are just not at that critical, chain-reaction, phase transition. What is known...is that something essential has been traded for the cohabitation. Something precious and very important.
But you know that you are waiting for the moment when you will take proactive action.
In the meantime, you do NOT feed the demon who is feeding off The Emotional Dictator/Bully/Abuser.
AND there might be a way to let the afflicted person see the presence of The Demon feeding off their vortex of contentious, bitter, vengeful, resentful, disgruntled, offended, entitled to hurt mind-set.
Based on feeling that they have been done wrong in some way.
OFTEN based upon the short-comings and moral delinquency of...well, YOU.
YOUR mercy comes from knowing full-well that The Emotional Dictator/Abuser is really the most seriously damaged person in the ongoing equation.
YOU are not the victim, though it may seem that way. This is going to sound a bit whacked, but the abuser is really the person who is the victim. And this is not an excuse, but an insight to be used to influence the abuser.
One good way to do this is to sincerely edify the abuser. No fake voice. Just state the FACTS that fit the simple statements you make to the abuser. This is about some trait that is possible to pull out of the difficult temperament of the abuser.
YOU have to start somewhere.
Nothing like complimenting an addict to self-loathing. For that is what the abuser sees in themselves, at a snap of the fingers.
THAT they were NEVER good enough...growing up.
And since that must be true, then if you're with them, something MUST be wrong with you, too.
So you see, they suffer far more than you EVER WILL---once you figure it out, and see clearly this dynamic in action. Once you get it, you won't be as prone to being exploded by the abuser's little tricks to get you to engage...and start FEEDING THEIR DEMON.
They want you to be afraid of their anger,
AND of their disapproval.
That is what they learned to do, while growing up.
IT is a trait passed on from pre-existing Survival Figures.
FEAR based relational instinctual reactive behaviours.
FINAL WORD:
Can obeying the Two Laws really keep you safe while you are inside a relationship with an abusive person?
Let me know what you think.
In this article, the focus has been mostly on when you are a man who is with a woman who is The Emotional Dictator, The Bully, The Abuser.
BUT it could be you are in a same-sex relationship.
OR you are a woman with a man who is emotionally abusive...and/or physically abusive.
And I don't mean the odd time that your love interest flips out and toons you.
Let's face it, when you get close to someone, there will probably be times when the friction shows up.
AND the mature thing to do is talk things over, and find the truth connection...where all the collected and accumulated puss-pockets can be popped.
This can mean navigating difficult and volatile feelings. And many of these feelings can be coming from PREVIOUS encounters while inside PAST relationships.
It is going to be up to you to figure out what you can tolerate and support in your relationship. You may decide it's time to move on.
One of the really big sticking points can be this:
IF you are married, and you took the vows you made seriously---YOU can stay because you made a promise to love, honour and cherish (or obey),
IN sickness and health
Richer or Poorer
'til DEATH do you PART.
And you may not want to leave because you have nowhere else to go.
OR you can't figure out how to leave without a horrible and eviscerating scene...packed full of yelling, screaming, possible physical abuse, attempts to physically prevent you from leaving, following you where you go when you do leave...and so on.
So you are trying to figure out how to leave without a big fuss and muss?
IF you think there is going to be a big hassle when you try and leave...it is probably best to leave safely...when you can arrange to get your stuff and go---when the person who poses a threat is away.
And sometimes that isn't possible.
Put your thinking cap on, and prepare.
Take only what you really need.
Seriously, ONLY take what is time-expedient to take with you.
I know how stressful this can be.
And you have to be super cautious about how you plan your escape.
VERY IMPORTANT that you give NO clues or cues about what you are planning.
There are many places online to find good ideas on how to leave a dangerous relationship. Remember to wipe out any search history on your computer.
Think like a secret agent operating behind enemy lines.
I know this can suck, but it is realistic.
Okay, enough about this for now.
Stay tuned for much more along the topic of how to have great relationships...and the way FEAR keeps us locked up inside our own, self-prisons.
Adios,
Robert Farmilo,
Admin, TGCP
and
Little Miss Perfect,
Contributing Editor
PS---Get your FREE book, LIMITED TIME OFFER!
===> The MOST Dangerous BOOK EVER WRITTEN <===
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