Chapter 5:


I doubt it.

Yes, I do. I doubt it. And so do you, too. Often: You doubt this and that and you doubt me.

The minute, the moment, you turn your back, whoosh!, there it is…Mr. and Mrs. Doubt. With all the youngsters, Doubter, Doubting, Doubtses. All of them murmuring away, doubting. They all doubt, we all doubt, you all doubt. A big bonfire of doubts.

And what is it we are all doubting. Me? Yes, me. We are all doubting me. Hey, get this, even I doubt me.

What do you think of that? God doubts god. I do. I doubt myself. And so do you, often.

It is what I have mixed into the deal. And why? Why did I do such a laming thing? If it isn’t real? If doubt is not real, why did I put it in there? Why do you experience doubt about me?

How can you know? I mean, if all this stuff about me wanting you to know me is so true, how come I just don’t come into everyone’s mind and reveal myself?

Better yet, why don’t I just do something spectacular and manifest myself so everyone can see me, hear me, all of that? What is it that I have to play so hard to get?

Don’t I really want you to know me?

After all, that’s what I told you, right? All these prophets and other freaks come along with these big words and big deals and stir everybody up, confusing normal people with this perspective of divinity and proclamations of a spiritual nature. ‘God is real,’ they say.


So I gave you doubt, just to make things interesting.

One more horrible pain for you to work through. One more awe-full thingy for you to get side-swiped by when you are at your most vulnerable.

God gave you doubt of god. It is in your consciousness. It is in the thought-world that you are thinking through, thinking with: Doubt of me.

Having me come into your brain is hard enough. You often outright reject the experience. It is way too much. After all, you have koo-koo people walking around claiming that God talks to them.

Disturbing people who are mentally unsound and disturbed. They act weird and often look weird, too. Talking about how God talks to them and how they have the inside dope on what God wants them to do.

No wonder you are leery of the whole thing. Why would any reasonable person want to purposely pursue conscious, two-way communication with the mind of god, with God Consciousness or god consciousness or whatever it is?


It is a quick trip to the nutso-koo-koo land. So, I gave you doubt. It is a god-given asset to protect yourself from your self: To protect you from me.


After all, I am the madness that made all the other madness, right? I am bound to be rather a unique sort of character. Look at what I have created.

Enough to give any reasonable person pause. Why would you want anything to do with a creator who would put madness and evil and nastiness and unfairness and dead babies and Adolf Hitler and so on into the mix?


Worst part is I don’t know why I did what I did. Does that sound like a reasonable thing to say or do? Geez, I must be one crazy god. Think it through and you’ll see that what I am saying to you makes some considerable sense.

If I were you, I’d stop all this god nonsense and pursue the normal, typical pleasures of life and get on with living your dreams and passions as best you can. Put me out of your mind before you are driven crazy by all the conundrums and contradictions that go with having me around to bug you about your destiny and how you can do this or that and how much I want you to really, really, really know me.

But, hey! I am here, doing my knitting by the cosmic fireplace, wondering why I bother with worms and birds and apples and galaxies and so forth. Why I bother with the likes of you.

You think you were made in my image? Ha! I doubt it. Nothing was made in my image. (here it goes with that nothing thing again.)

What I do when I doubt myself is I ask for guidance and get out of the way. I let the voices rip. I let the confusion confuse. I let doubt doubt. Doubt is very, very, very accomplished at doubting. It is the one thing that doubt can really do well. Don’t you doubt it . That doubt stuff is really powerful.

Especially after you start having me come into your conscious mind and you have this sense that thoughts not of your own making are being thought into your mind by, well, maybe, me.

And how do you distinguish between the real me thinking into your thoughts and some other source thinking into your thoughts? It is not like you can prove one way or the other what the real deal really is, right?

So you have some doubts.

Doubts are normal, they come with the territory. You just take my advice and don’t make too big a deal out of doubting. I doubt all the time. I didn’t get to where I am today, top of the heap, capo-di-capo, without some

championship doubting. And what I go ahead and doubt is the doubt. I doubt it to death. I doubt doubt into the doubt-grave.

But you cannot do that, even if you try really, really, really a lot. The doubt will always come back and start doubting. And it will present you with an alternative view. Who is to say that isn’t perfectly okay and, furthermore, this other series of thoughts that doubt me and lead you to a more stable and normal existence isn’t the true nature of what is really going on?

Well, me, for one. And maybe you, too. I am a mystical-mysterious sort of deal. There isn’t a lot that I can do to prove any of this god consciousness stuff is really real. After all, most of it is just stuff in your head.

Oh, I could try telling you about the origin of the cosmos and how do you explain that and, hey, what about the fact of how something grows out of the dirt and isn’t that proof of my existence? Stuff like that, stuff you are used to hearing about as an explanation as to why there is a god.

You’d probably be better off without this god consciousness stuff. Then you could be normal and relatively secure. You could have a fun life. After all, I am so moody and serious and wanting you to have no fun at all. You have to go around and be all god-like all the time IF you believe in god and worst yet if god is thinking thoughts directly into your mind.

YOUR mind.

So, that’s why doubt exists. It exists because it is needed, it is required. It will help you to come to understand the difference between me and some other not-me. But since it is all me to begin with, how can you ever know what is the real me? How can you know god-thoughts coming from me into your mind?

Doubt. Doubt is the way. Doubt will shut the whole deal down and return you to that superior state of mind- thought where you are rejecting me from your conscious thinking. I gave you doubt as a favour to you.

Some favour.

My suggestion? Doubt the doubt. Go with me. I am the best bet you’ve got and in the end, you will find out for yourself how really real I am and how unreal the not-real really is.

In the meantime, what are you going to do? Especially if you can’t hear me in your mind anymore? Or if you haven’t started to hear me in your thoughts yet. Take it on faith?


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