COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT
VERSUS THE
GRATITUDE DEPARTMENT
by
Robert Farmilo (The Questioner)
and
and
Swami Bob (The Answerer)
Question: "What came first, Swami Bob? The complaining or the unhappiness?"
Answer: "You are asking me to define the origin of discontent. Let me add this, 'There is no greater misery than discontent. No greater source of misfortune than wanting something for ones self.'"
(This is a quote taken from the Tao te Ching, aphorism # 46)
Question: "So...we are not to want anything? Become devoid of desire? Squish
my feelings of being irritated, annoyed, bothered? This will help to foster a state of happiness?"
Answer: "No. Trying to NOT want something for oneself is a fool's errand. Desiring not to desire is another desire disguised as a virtue. All this will do is help you to understand what it is that you really are wanting."
(NOTE: Then there was a thoughtful pause by Swami Bob before he started to speak again.)
Answer: "Of course, you can do anything you want with your thinking and feeling. This is a personal choice. But you people are LAZY. You don't LIKE the effort that comes with mental discipline. Changing your thoughts and feelings commensurate with those thoughts, this involves evolving."
Question: "Oh?"
(The Questioner didn't like the "tone" of Swami Bob's answer. There was an obvious "judgement" about "...you people are lazy...." The statement smacked of the Swami being somehow superior and The Questioner being inferior.)
Answer: "Yes. Oh. Please take careful note of the close proximity these two words have to each other: In-volve AND e-volve. Both words have the word 'volve' and are intimately connected. What does this 'volve' word have to do with you becoming capable of actually thinking and feeling that which generates the illusive state of happiness?"
Question: "You are asking me a question? I thought this went the other way, doesn't it go the OTHER way?"
Answer: "Hmmmm. No. Not always. I think it is time to offer a quote to you."
THE QUOTE IS FROM THIS ARTICLE:
Gratitude vs. Complaining
By Dr. Margaret Paul
August 04, 2008
"At any given moment, we each get to choose which part of ourselves we want to express - our ego wounded self who lives in our mind, or true, essential Self who lives in our heart and soul. If you decide to trust your mind over your heart and soul, you will likely find yourself noticing what you don't like and complaining about it in order to attempt to control it. Complaining is a form of control and the mind believes that if you complain enough, you can have control over getting what you want."
Answer: "What makes you think that you cannot complain? What is important is how you make the statement. The more you come with the outcome in mind, the better you will do with all your complaining."
Question: "What does that mean?"
RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM BY COMPLAINING
(ARE YOU SERIOUS? DOESN'T THAT JUST MAKE YOU A LITTLE BITCH?)
Answer: "You can state a truthful set of facts as you know them to be, without laying on the implications, innuendo, snotty tone, reproach and guilt-trip. Did you know that telling someone what your complaint is will probably raise your self-esteem. It is a fact that people who complain a lot usually have an ongoing idea inside their mind that by complaining they are more likely to get the outcome they wanted from the outset of their complaining."
SOURCE: http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1996-02773-001
Question: "Are you telling me that it is okay to complain as long as I know what it is I am wanting, what the complaint is about, and what I want to have happen as a result of my complaining?"
Answer: "You are getting closer to the Art and Science of Complaining. Here are some simple yet almost impossible to follow guidelines."
---Complain using facts.
---Avoid the use of language that states anything to do with your ability to be the world's greatest mind-reader.
---Do not tell the other person what they are feeling or their motivations or plots or collusion with your friends and enemies, who might be the same people but maybe not at the same time.
Are you getting this? Good. The last part is to be simple:
---Do not go over the same facts twenty different ways.
---Say it simply.
---Whatever you do, do NOT get into a bitch tone of voice.
---Just don't start in with the imperial margarine dripping from your tongue.
Can you do that? Keep your tone of voice level and neutral?
Question: "You are asking me a question?"
Answer: "Yes. And your answer disguised as a question is annoying me. I am feeling irritated by your vocal stylings. This is an example of how NOT to complain IF you want to actually get a change in behaviour and outcome."
Question: "I see what you mean. I noticed I immediately got pissed off at you. I wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself, too."
"Answer: "...ah...right. Okay. I feel you. Well here is a primer on the Art and Science of Complaining. Keep in mind that you want to be a thoughtful complainer. Too much of a bad thing will not get you the attractive powers you are craving."
SOURCE: HOW HAPPY PEOPLE COMPLAIN (by Kristin Wong)FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN LEFT HANGING? CLICK ON THIS LINK TO READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE:
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/05/how-happy-people-complain.html
Question: "This is probably a good time to ask you about the role of practicing gratitude. What do you think about being deliberately grateful?"
Question: "This is probably a good time to ask you about the role of practicing gratitude. What do you think about being deliberately grateful?"
Answer: "Before I tell you about BEING in the state of perpetual gratitude, I would be ever so grateful if you will click on this next link and really ABSORB the jist of this high-level intell."
Answer: "Before I tell you about BEING in the state of perpetual gratitude, I would be ever so grateful if you will click on this next link and really ABSORB the jist of this high-level intell."
THIS NEXT LINK: WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?
THE ART AND SCIENCE OF DELIBERATE GRATITUDE
Answer: "GOOD. Thank you for absorbing that insight. Now, to answer your question: What I've found over the last 583 years of my life on this planet, in my current incarnation, is that the average person can 'retool' their mind. It isn't easy, and it does require consistent practice. The fact is that REGULAR practice will create the momentum and traction to ENFORCE your continued practice. You will 'stick to it' when you FORCE yourself to do it when you'd rather NOT do it."
"You will have about five seconds to apply your WILL POWER to begin one simple mental exercise of self-awareness. Oh, there will be a faint hope clause added...in that you will have a mental nudge to lurch into witnessing your own thoughts. Let's call this little window a version of being self-aware."
"This little bit of time, even a few seconds of noticing that you are noticing your thoughts, are aware of the FACT that you are aware of being aware...this little, tiny slice of time is a great blessing to you. Latch onto it and deliberately suck your mind as deep inside the awareness of being aware as you can."
(NOTE: This link is to an article chock full of PRACTICAL STUFF that you can start mixing into your life.)
Question: "I want to complain about my skimpy ability to genuinely experience gratitude. Besides, I don't think you answered my original question."
Answer: "Oh? What was your original question?"
Question: "What came first, Swami Bob? The complaining or the unhappiness?"
Answer: "Discontent is the source of all complaints. If you are not content you will find something to complain about even when there is nothing to complain about. This means that the condition of being contentious and wrathful is a native of the country of Discontentment. Your discontent is useful in that it points to what will make you contented. But this could mean that other creatures will have to be made unhappy for you to be made happy. Also there is a serious risk that your new found contentment will be highly transitory."
Question: "Oh fuck. Well, what can I do?"
Answer: "Practice the pursuit of being virtuous. This will nourish you."
Question: "What?" What does it mean to be nourished by Virtue?"
Answer: "I am so glad you asked. That is the topic of the next article in this series on gratitude."
THE ART AND SCIENCE OF DELIBERATE GRATITUDE
Answer: "GOOD. Thank you for absorbing that insight. Now, to answer your question: What I've found over the last 583 years of my life on this planet, in my current incarnation, is that the average person can 'retool' their mind. It isn't easy, and it does require consistent practice. The fact is that REGULAR practice will create the momentum and traction to ENFORCE your continued practice. You will 'stick to it' when you FORCE yourself to do it when you'd rather NOT do it."
"You will have about five seconds to apply your WILL POWER to begin one simple mental exercise of self-awareness. Oh, there will be a faint hope clause added...in that you will have a mental nudge to lurch into witnessing your own thoughts. Let's call this little window a version of being self-aware."
"This little bit of time, even a few seconds of noticing that you are noticing your thoughts, are aware of the FACT that you are aware of being aware...this little, tiny slice of time is a great blessing to you. Latch onto it and deliberately suck your mind as deep inside the awareness of being aware as you can."
(NOTE: This link is to an article chock full of PRACTICAL STUFF that you can start mixing into your life.)
Question: "I want to complain about my skimpy ability to genuinely experience gratitude. Besides, I don't think you answered my original question."
Answer: "Oh? What was your original question?"
Question: "What came first, Swami Bob? The complaining or the unhappiness?"
Question: "Oh fuck. Well, what can I do?"
Answer: "Practice the pursuit of being virtuous. This will nourish you."
Question: "What?" What does it mean to be nourished by Virtue?"
Answer: "I am so glad you asked. That is the topic of the next article in this series on gratitude."
SOME MORE SOURCES FOR THIS ARTICLE IN THE GRATITUDE SERIES:
When Gratitude Works; and When It Doesn't:
HINT: Focus on the positive to make gratitude work for you.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201605/when-gratitude-works-and-when-it-doesnt
Here is another source for you to explore:
http://www.daniellelaporte.com/feel-good/45-minutes-of-gratitude/
When Gratitude Works; and When It Doesn't:
HINT: Focus on the positive to make gratitude work for you.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201605/when-gratitude-works-and-when-it-doesnt
Here is another source for you to explore:
http://www.daniellelaporte.com/feel-good/45-minutes-of-gratitude/
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